Family conversation LV

T: Damnit, I think gran saw me smoking.
Kim: Don’t worry, all it means is that you’re the granddaughter of her heart.
T: No, it means I’m the granddaughter of her lungs.

Family conversation LIV

Pim: Does anyone want to go to the Apple store later?
Chorus: Me! Me! Me!
Pim: Perhaps we should have lunch there.
Mick:  Maybe they serve apples?
Mim: You’ve been around this family too long.
Pim: Apple crumble…
Kim: Apple strudle…
T: Do you think they serve oranges at the PC store?

Classic Mallinson

Thanks very much to KE, TC, AM and everyone else who contributed to my leaving cover.

Before you ask, I’m not going to elaborate on any of the cover lines; what happens in Dubai stays in Dubai.

What I will reveal, is that “kerfuffle” should read “kafoefel” – proving that every magazine needs a sub.

Family conversation LIII

T: So if it’s rare to be a catholic Albanian, which religion are most Albanians*?
Mim: I don’t know, probably orthodox or lutheran or coptic or something.
T: Septic?
Mim: No, not septic!

*For the record, it’s islam.

Family conversation LII

T: Okay, but if we don’t leave right now we’ll have less time…
Pim: Fewer time; you aren’t allowed to say “less” when Mim is around.
Kim: Fewer is more.

Same words, different context III

Al Ain (“the spring”) is an oasis city in the United Arab Emirates. I never visited, so I can’t say much more about it. I did drink plenty of Al Ain mineral water though. It was, well, watery.

Alain de Botton on the other hand, is a wanky pop philosopher, about whom I would have much to say, except I don’t feel like wasting my breath. “Life changing” if you’re a pretentious undergrad. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother.

Friendly Conversation LVI

Tour guide: We have to take a different road to Nairobi, because the President might be entering or leaving the city, and it could delay us by several minutes… or hours.
T: Okay.  Is he giving a speech for Kenyan Independence Day?
Tour guide: No, he’s just wasting our time.

Russian doll handbag

In the last 60 hours I have bought:

1. a BlackBerry* Curve 8520;
2. a pair of Ray-bans; and
3. a Lamarte handbag.

And yes, I did fall for the old “buy a purse to match the handbag and we’ll give you a discount” sales pitch. And yes, when I realised I had bought a bag that came in a bag that was put in another bag, I felt slightly ashamed of myself. But hell, I couldn’t leave Dubai without one last shopping spree.**

* In case you’re wondering, the plural of BlackBerry is BlackBerrys.
* Since I have about another 60 hours left here, plus duty free to get through, I’ve  taken the precaution of secreting what remains of my money in various bank accounts around the world to ensure I won’t come home completely broke.