Trinny in Jozi

Archive for the ‘Dubai’ Category

Family conversation LVII

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T: Who’s that guy?
Mim: He’s the head of the  SA Tennis Association.
T: If my name were Ian Smith, I’d change it. Although, I did know a guy called Iain Smith in Dubai.
Mim: Ja, there was that music teacher in Grahamstown called Ian Smith too. But if your surname is Smith, you really should have a name like Sebastian or Benjamin… or Broccoli.

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Written by Trinny

February 6, 2010 at 15.00

Russian doll handbag

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In the last 60 hours I have bought:

1. a BlackBerry* Curve 8520;
2. a pair of Ray-bans; and
3. a Lamarte handbag.

And yes, I did fall for the old “buy a purse to match the handbag and we’ll give you a discount” sales pitch. And yes, when I realised I had bought a bag that came in a bag that was put in another bag, I felt slightly ashamed of myself. But hell, I couldn’t leave Dubai without one last shopping spree.**

* In case you’re wondering, the plural of BlackBerry is BlackBerrys.
* Since I have about another 60 hours left here, plus duty free to get through, I’ve  taken the precaution of secreting what remains of my money in various bank accounts around the world to ensure I won’t come home completely broke.

Oh, the people you’ll meet

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Last night we went on a jolly at The Wharf. Swilling Bellinis at the swanky pool bar, I briefly imagined I was at the Venice Biennale* but the feeling didn’t last long because really, it was completely different.

We were there for the food. But it’s the people we met that I will remember.

1. James Martin. Very lovely chef from Yorkshire, who explained to me why Yorkshire pudding is called “pudding”. Incidentally, his father was the catering manager at Castle Howard, where Brideshead Revisited – the second-best television series ever** – was filmed.

2. A person from a rival company who offered me a job. “I’m leaving Dubai,” I said. “We’re looking for someone at the moment,” they said. “I’m leaving Dubai,” I said. “Name your price,” they said. “I’m leaving Dubai,” I said.

3. A fellow Rhodent (and journalist), who used to be a waitress at the Red Cafe (still the Blue Room to old school Grahamstonians), and recognised me from hanging out there.  She seems supercool, and I wish I’d met her earlier, so we could’ve been friends. What is it with leaving a place? She’s the third Rhodent I’ve met since I resigned.

4. A 16-year-old “business development consultant”. I kid you not. He had a business card and everything. He looked about twelve, and I thought he was full of shit. Then his mummy came and chatted to us as well and, bizarrely enough, backed up his story. I still thought he was full of shit.

It was a weird and wonderful evening. I’m not sad to be leaving though.

* Inspired by Geoff Dyer’s excellent Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi, in which the  characters drank Bellinis – copiously and constantly – at least in the first half of the novel.

** If you don’t know what the best best television series ever is, well, you should. Or you could ask me really nicely.

Friendly conversation, special edition: on resigning

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T: Do you think it is inappropriate to wear my T-shirt that says, “Make the stupid people shut up,” to work on the day I resign?
AM: Maybe just a little…
T: Screw it; the writing is small, so I’m going to wear it anyway…

***

T: I have to go and have a chat with HR – the fun part of leaving.
ZK: I’m sure it will be fine.
T: I guess so…
ZK: If it’s not, you know, you could always resign!

Written by Trinny

November 6, 2009 at 15.08

Friendly conversation XLVIII

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T: Life would be better if children weren’t allowed on the metro*.
KE: Life would be better if children weren’t allowed in the world!

*You try having your first metro ride, together with a friend you haven’t seen in two weeks, and not being able to hear yourself think, never mind talk, owing to a chaos of children surrounding you. It is far from pleasant.

Written by Trinny

September 12, 2009 at 21.19

Friendly conversation XLVI

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T: No, I don´t live at The Address, I´ve just been at an iftar.
Taxi driver:  Oh, are you muslim?
T: No, I´m not.
Taxi driver: So, it wasn´t a proper iftar then.
T: No, not really.
Taxi driver: So are you christian or buddhist?
T: Christian*.
Taxi driver: So you also have  a book. Good.
T: Yes, we do.
Taxi driver: Muslims, christians, books, good; Buddhists, Hindus, no books, bad**.

Now, I´m all for literature, but not specifically in religous instances. In fact, specifically not in religious instances. I was silent though, because I really can´t be bothered to get into unnecessary arguments with taxi drivers when all I want to do is get from A to B.

* Atheist doesn´t cut it in this part of the world. I was tempted to say buddhist, but thought it would complicate matters.

** At this point I thought it prudent not to mention that Jews also have a book, although I would´ve loved to have discovered what Mr Taxi Driver made of this.

Written by Trinny

September 7, 2009 at 22.45

Family conversation XLV

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Kim: Do you think the cellphone codes of countries are related to numerology?
T: No, I don´t.
Kim: Like Dubai is five, which is expansion. South Africa is eight, which is determination; England is nine, because it´s finished; and Ireland is three for creativity.
T: What does eight mean again?
Kim: Determination… and money.
T: Well that kills your theory right there!

Written by Trinny

September 4, 2009 at 18.50