Archive for November 2008
After work drinks…
A: I remember when I went to the US when I was really young… I visited Disneyland and ate a lot of flapjacks.
B: But you can´t say “flapjacks”.
C: Why not? Does “flapjack” have some secret gay meaning I don´t know about?
B: No, it´s just not our style. None of those Americanisms! We say “pancakes” here.
C: Well, actually, if we´re talking about pancakes in the US, we say “crêpes”.
So, like, I know I´m creative, hot, and “an extremely talented subeditor”. Seriously, Paris has nothing on me. But I must acknowledge that I have only a walk-on part in the Mallinson/Keeley show of pure genius.
And, if you´re still not convinced, take a listen to my cousin´s band, Sparrow Love Crew. “I hope you brought the peanut butter, because you know we bring the jams.” They’re like the Beastie Boys, but related to me. (Well, one of them, anyway.) And so ghettotech fabulous! Nuff said.
Yesterday I was really happy because BHP Billiton has abandoned its hostile bid for Rio Tinto. And why do I care? Purely selfish reasons, of course… You know how tricky it is to get “BHP Billiton” and “Rio Tinto” into a headline, and still have space for any other words? Now, if only the situation in Zimbabwe would start looking up, my job would be a breeze!
I have never especially liked Exclusive Books but have had a particular vendetta against them ever since one of their employees in the Cape Town International Airport store spied on my pin number, neglected to give me my debit card back, and stole R3 000 from my account back in December 2006.
The manager of the store where the unfortunate incident occurred went out of his way to help me resolve the matter but the general manager of Exclusive Books, a certain Mr Short, who was certainly short of PR skills, went out of his way to disabuse me of my naive notion that I had any claim against the store. If only I’d been more in tune with the zeitgeist, I’m sure IHateExclusiveBooks.com would be a globally recognised website today!
Anyway, ever since then I have refused to shop at Exclusive Books, breaking this boycott only in the case of one or two, (okay, perhaps 17!) extreme reading material emergencies…
But now I have a new bone to pick with them. Exclusive Books in Sandton City is refusing to stock copies of the Derby Day book. Now, I may or may not have a close friend who was involved in producing said book but that is entirely beside the point…
I mean, hell, I’m not gonna buy a copy of Derby Day for myself. Schoolboy rugby has never interested in me; schoolboy waterpolo – now there’s a different matter! But my family did buy a copy for Nim, and another for a friend of his, because the book really is a brilliant concept for anyone who cares. And one would think that a store that stands to sell at least a couple of hundred copies during the Christmas season would indeed care enough to stock it!
Thus my enquiry when I went to Exclusive Books in Sandton City last week:
T: “Do you have a copy of Derby Day? I couldn’t see it on the shelves…”
Shop assistant #1: “I’m not sure. Let me check on the computer.”
Shop assistant #2: “Computer says no.”
(Actually, she didn’t say that, which at least would’ve introduced some humour into the situation. What she she said was: “No, we don’t. They have it at Hyde Park.”)
T: “Oh, that’s a pity. I really wanted to buy it for my little brother for Christmas, like right now. I can’t believe you don’t stock it! I guess I’ll have to go all the way to Hyde Park.”
I am sure that all my readers, or at least the ones who live in South Africa, also have many brothers, uncles and cousins who would like Derby Day for a Christmas present. If you can´t get the frigging book at Sandton City, where can you? Of course, it would be best to buy it direct from this link.
But if you really want to piss off Exclusive Book Sandton City, you can always go there in person and ask for a copy. If you´re not from Jozi, but still want to participate in this worthy cause, you can look up their phone number, which is in the link to the store above, and give them a call. Let´s get that book on the shelf by next week!
As I’ve said before, I’m not going to make a habit of writing about work. But I couldn’t resist sharing this conversation, which took place last week.
A: I can’t believe Hugh Jackman is People magazine’s sexiest man alive 2008.
B: Oh, he´s in Wolverine, isn’t he?
A: Yes. I can´t much see his appeal myself.
C: Well, you know, perhaps he has a wolfish animal magnetism.
A: It´s so weird to hear C say the words “animal magnetism”.
C: You guys all think I´m just a dull old fish.
A: Now, if you´d said, “you guys all think I´m just a dull old beotch,” then you would be cool.
On my day off last week, I went and had lunch with the lovely Dom at Hyde Park. She had to get back to work; I didn´t. I had a glass of wine; she didn´t. I mean, if you can´t drink wine at lunch on your day off, when can you? And I hadn´t had a shopping binge since I was in London last year…
This is what I bought:
A refill for the Dior J´Adore my friend Salt bought me for my birthday last year. And I received a free Dior Diorshow mascara. Also, some underwear (not really in the lingerie class, alas) by Sloggi.
At Oil & Vinegar:
White balsamic vinegar and truffle oil for Mim, because you can´t buy presents only for yourself. Granted, I´m the one who´s going to cook with these ingredients. But Mim and Pim will reap the culinary rewards. Actually, we had a gorgeous dish of chicken, grapes and almonds with white balsamic vinegar and truffle oil last night.
At Look & Listen:
Fight for your mind by Ben Harper. I know I should´ve bought it years ago, and I also know I have several friends who would´ve willingly burnt it for me. But I just wanted it now. Like, right now! In fact, I´m listening to it has I type. And I can´t help remembering the first time I listened to Jack Johnson in a friend´s car and I said: “Who is this?” and he said: “Jack Johnson – he´s like Ben Harper, but better.” Not to knock Jack Johnson, but my friend was wrong.
Pata Pata by Miriam Makeba. I was deeply troubled when I came home from work last Monday and realised I didn´t own a single recording by Mama Afrika. Now I do. Btw, Kim is editing a documentary about Miriam´s work with landmine victims in Mozambique. I´ll let you know when it´s showing.
The Bends by Radiohead. Kim used to own the album. I don´t know where her copy disappeared to. “Wish it was the sixties, wish I could be happy. ” Nuff said.
Joy Division 1977-1980 by, um, Joy Division. Been meaning to pick up some tunes ever since I watched an excellent documentary about the band at Encounters earlier in the year…
At Hilton Weiner:
A lovely pair of pumps. For the record, they were on sale.
“Well,” I thought to myself after this shopping spree, “I have shown admirable restraint by not entering the book store and my bank balance can be grateful that Hyde Park doesn´t boast The Space, Big Blue, or Sowearto.”
I thought too soon… Next thing I´d met up with ABJ and his mim and we were off to Sandton City. We happened to walk past Jo Borkett, and all resistance crumbled… I´ve always wanted to have a Jo Borkett dress and, while I´d had no fantasies about owing a bangle to match said dress, I discovered that I very much wanted one of those too. Perhaps I´ll post a pic sometime.
Mim: “The stadium isn’t even flipping full.”
T: “What tennis is this?”
Mim: “The masters cup in Shanghai.”
T: “You should’ve been there!”
Mim: “I know, we should’ve booked earlier in the year when we still had some money.”
T: “Well, you can go to the tennis in Hamburg next year. That’ll make up for it.”
MIm: “No, it won’t make up for it. It will be a separate thing.”
T: “But surely it will make up for it a little bit?”
Mim: “No, it won’t. Nothing will make up for it.”
T:”Actually, I get what you’re saying. Like whenever someone, especially a guy, says: ‘I’ll make it up to you’, I feel like slapping them!”
Mim: “Ja, they must just get it right the first time.”
T: “Or, even if they don’t, they must just get it right the second time because they want to get it right. Not all this ‘making up’ nonsense!”