Trinny in Dubai

For the best new blog on the block, and a sneak peek into the sexual shenanigans of suburban South Africa, check out Bangers and Mash. Compellingly nasty reading!

I don´t want Harry´s sleep to be further disturbed, but I do hope the Saucemeister gets it up again soon. He really is the man – performing not only for the pleasure of the Screamer, but several interweb voyeurs as well!

1. Why do I always start sneezing whenever I pluck my eyebrows?

2. Why is SAA still serving Vito Palazzolo mineral water?

3. Why does Graeme Smith so often put the other team in to bat? It only makes it worse on the rare occasion that it´s the correct decision, as this lets him justify all the other times when it´s so obviously the wrong one.

Whosoever can answer any of these burning questions shall be the recipient of my eternal gratitude!

At ATOM…

Dick-the-barman: “What are you doing here?”
T: “I´m down from Jozi for the weekend.”
Dick-the-barman: “Oh, I thought you were out on a day pass from Valkenburg.”
T: “Actually, the last time I was in a psychiatric institution was in Switzerland.”
Dick-the-barman: “It´s hard to know how to respond to that.”

Dick-the-barman virtually speechless – a rare occasion, which banished all vestiges of depression from my psyche

If you have a five-litre jug and a three-litre jug, how do you get four litres? Or, if you take one set of parents and a 20-something who’s returned to the nest, how do you get a book out of it?

T: “It’s very fashionable to write books about one’s parents these days. Everybody is doing it.”
Pim: “I know, you told me the other day.”
T: “I just thought I’d mention it again.”
Pim: “If you wrote one about us, no one would read it; it would be boring.”
T: “No, it wouldn’t; it would be hilarious.”
Pim: “I suppose you could put a different jug problem in italics at the beginning of each chapter.”
Mim: “Don’t encourage her!”

GX: “So, you’re a fan of James?”
T: “James the band?”
GX: “No, James my friend.”
T: “Dude, I was being facetious!”

Mel: “You’re so tiny.”
J: “Mom, don’t be rude.”
G: “At least you’re the same height as me!”
T: “How old are you?”
G: “Nine. How old are you?”
T: “Um, 28.”

Good thing I don’t have a complex about my height…

T: “So we can go and book my learner´s tomorrow?”
Mim: “No, I told you we´re going in the opposite direction.”
T: “Surely it´s not that far? The longer we wait to do it the longer I´ll be at your mercy.”
Mim: “No, the longer I´ll be at your mercy.”
T: “I guess we´ll both be at each other´s mercy… Or throats.”

There´s only two of them. But they´re biggies.

1. Get my driver´s license.
Primary motivation: When I have a car I can play my music in it.
Additional considerations: Have realised it might actually be easier to obtain license than constantly have to manipulate/beg my friends for lifts. And I will be independent and feel like I´m 18 again.

2. Get a job.
Primary motivation: I will have a business card to give to people at parties. How is one supposed to have a social life worthy of a young professional without this essential accessory?
Additional consideration: I will stop feeling that I am turning into the Hugh Grant character in About a boy.